She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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