the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
