I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
