Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up under a house in Key West
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
