we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
