Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize