Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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