Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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