I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
