I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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