My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
