i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
