either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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