Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
