he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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