There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
