"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
