addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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