I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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