im gay
i know
yea but for you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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