I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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