a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
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