I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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