It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
zippers are such a cool invention
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Floor bacon is actually really good
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
