I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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