People in love make me want to vomit
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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