if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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