I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
