I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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