were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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