she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
