it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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