first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
