There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
jump out the window naked night went bad
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