i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
