if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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