When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
