I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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