five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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