So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
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Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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