Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
