the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
