I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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