I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
