I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
