btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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