JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
