Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
