gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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