arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
