I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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