but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
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I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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