At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
