so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Randomize
