Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
