I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
