Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
