I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
