saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize