I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
