I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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