I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize