i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
