New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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