ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
