it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
