where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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