That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
