Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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