Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
