You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
