I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
