I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just had sex bonerless
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize