I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
