Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
